I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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