I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
