my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
