South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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