Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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