his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
