I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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