We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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