I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
