I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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