Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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