i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i love accidental penises.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
