Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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