I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
