youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
