Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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