If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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