You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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