Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
