My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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