The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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