i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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