He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
