well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
