Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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