Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
