it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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