Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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