I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
