I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
