when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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