I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
