I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
