Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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