when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
