About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
