why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
