i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
