My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
