I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
