U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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