You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
