i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
