So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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