Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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