I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
