i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
