I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
