I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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