I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
