I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
