Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I bet he comes in French.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
