You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
