ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
God, you're like boner-b-gone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
