I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
